There are so much things going on in my life right now, been so busy for this period of time after I graduated. Its not a holiday but it feels like one. It's a period of time for me to prepare to step into the working world.
Byebye life, hello slavery.
Lol..kidding...but i really do feel like that =w=
so whatever.
Dont care cuz I believe no one actually reads my blog anymore..haha

Lately, I've been cosplaying like crazy .... with this friend of mine...She's lucky to have just grad from o levels, waiting to enter tertiary studies...NOT graduated from being a student and entering work. So envious....haizzzz. Anyway, cosplaying has it's ups and down...Its been really great and fun, but disappointments and unhappiness also comes together with it as a package. For instance, cosplaying with friends, fooling around like a retard and taking nice photos, squealing over gd looking cosers nearby in events, the satisfaction of completing a fantastic costume and props after spending forever on it, successfully bringing the character to life, getting excited about meeting new friends...are all part of the good stuff... Dying in the hot sun, having no time to do anything else once you've started on a new cos, meeting braggy people who think they're all that, people who tried to use you as a means to get to know better cosers, ditching you after that and having your props or costumes turning out to be horrible after spending eons on it belongs to the down side.
I feel really really glad to have finally found this hobby which I really really love alot, I really strive to be better, always thinking of improving and yet, enjoying myself to the fullest. I am reluctant to face the reality that I soon, will no longer have the time to do these things I really love as I'll have to dedicate 5 days a week to (frankly speaking) something that I do not enjoy doing as much as this hobby of mine. I dont hate it, I like it...but just not as much as cosplaying. (ahhh if only I can make a living out of it.....)
Although cosplaying might come off as weird or freaky...or even embarrassing to some people, but I don't find it so. You really learn alot of things and heck....the kind of variety of people you meet at these events are REALLY REALLY wide. I wouldn't ever learn about certain traits/character, good or bad, of my friends if they weren't cosplaying.

I know right now I have to focus on making my portfolio for my future, but I just wish this dream would last longer, even by a little....but even I know, good things don't last forever.
Now, little by little ...I have to forget an awesome dream and slowly wake up to face the harsh reality of slaving for money to survive.

Sometimes I admire myself about how I can still remain all calm and collected when crazy hazards run head on towards me. Perhaps I was usually prepared and well equipped with weapons and armors that prevents any heavy damage done to me.
Yes, even when he dropped the bomb about him cheating.
There was no tears, no heart pain nor anger, just questions and more confusing questions.
I felt like a person watching a show...

you're still the best, next to her. He said.

Then why did you confess to her? I said

It was in the moment, I just did. He said

It was impossible from the start, she was going back to her country forever and she said 'no, I dont trust you'. He said

I would'nt trust you too, and what if she said yes? I said

Would you two time me then? I said

or would you leave me for her? I said

Was I the best cuz she couldnt stay? I said

I dont know what he said next. I couldnt hear clearly, my thoughts were deafening, louder than his words.
I cant decide, I feel confused but not angry.
I feel let down but not sad.

Tears were unnecessary.
I'm just glad that theres no one to reads my blog, cuz I dont even blog much anymore.
I dont know what to say if anyone asks me about this. I dont know what expression should I put on.
Should I smile? or cry?
or be angry?
should I say I'm okay? or should I bawl and complain??
If you by any chance read this,
don't mention this or ask me how I am or how I feel.
I dont know.

I have deleted Cbox forever cuz of some spam bots.
This is so irritating.
To have a Cbox, and then some strangers started posting nonsense in malay in it. I believe them to be spam bots.
Is it cuz I'm inactive for long periods of time on blogger? or cuz I've been having this blog around for years??? I just want to get rid of them once and for all.......

Blardy irritating...

Goodbyes are just too painful.
Recently there's so many goodbye i gotta say, so many friends leaving my side physically.
To my friends in Sg
To my friends that left from melb after graduation
Yea, they're still around but all at the other end of the world, at least thats how i feel like.

Today, just said goodbye to the two friend i spent most of my happiest memory with in melbourne, and feeling pretty darn low about it. Not cuz i'll not see her again, but cuz the time and days spent together like this has ended, and never ever will return again. True, i'll see them again, spend time with them but in no way will it ever be like this again. I'm so emo, and i couldnt sleep this feeling away even after i took a nap after they went off. In fact, the feeling of emptiness just amplified. Being the only one in this giant bungalow certainly doesnt help, especially when memories are everywhere in the house.

Today i also did a self confirmation to myself about a feeling, yes, a friend is drifting away...probably because he/she found some new friends whom he/she prefers to be with more. Double emos.


"Loneliness, your silent whisper, fills a river of tears through the night
Memory, you never let me cry, and you, you never said goodbye"

I'll be flying to aussie in another few hours, wondering if I'll see SG soon? or will it be another year before i'm back? Sometimes i'm so tempted to fly immediately back to SG to stay for good after studies cuz i miss everyone here, my hobby and my family...but then, i cannot just give up my chance like that...Gotta try before I give up so I dont regret.

This holiday was fun, and very very very busy...met alot of new friends, and I had the best farewell~ it was really a unexpected surprise ^^ I'm so touched by everyone~~ Thank you guys~~!! And also especially to Akira and Melvan whom i think are the main planners for the surprise~~<3
I'm so sorry to those i couldnt invite out , or have forgotten to call some of you out just because i was so busy, doing my last few shoots and packing my luggage...>.< but really, I didn't really forget about you, I was just so lost in the lousy and hectic planning of mine...>.< So sorry *bows*.

Today went to sentosa with Angel and Joann for a last fun outing before I fly back to aussie >.< We jumped into the sea, swam/fooled around(except joann~) and even tried to build a sandcastle which failed cuz of rain... It was pretty fun even though it rained at about 4-5pm like tt..XD Angel even went through the trouble to make a video of us having fun and such~ XD. I'm so touched~~~ >.< All these fun outings with all these really awesome friends really made me reluctant to fly back to aussie and get my ass back to studies. I'm so gonna miss all of you people~
It still just felt like yesterday, when i just touched down back on SG land, all worn out from the last battle i had with school projects. I still remember, vividly, about the vocaloid winter shoot which took place immediately the next day after i touched down and, all the new people and friends that i met then~. How can time just pass by so fast when i'm having fun? what a detestable crime D=. Now this holiday just became another one of my happy memories without me being fully prepared to be a serious, nerdy booklappyworm again.

Anyway~ some piccies from todays's outing, and the outing with max and Co @ kiseki ^^

I'm looking for the piano scoresheet for this song...
Anyone have?
Pls tell me if u do~

Cagnet-Hear Me Cry

Had a crazy night out yesterday with Angel, went to dragonfly for ladies night, got tired of it and switched to zirca. I'm actually pretty surprised mum didnt refuse the idea of going clubbing even though she had a BIG reaction when i told her that i wanna go~ haha, no she didnt scream or yell, but it was a pretty interesting reaction >.<. So anyway, we played till VERY late and i reached home at about 6am. Good thing i didn't and won't do this much cuz i sensed the unhappy aura around mum soon after. LOL.
Anyway i was out like a light, until about 1230pm today then i had to prepare to help my friend with maya, and then...finally...together with Angel, JP and Andy, we went out to eat steamboat at bugis! XD it was nice but i couldn't eat much cuz i got full too easily..T_T boooo..and to think i once ate a mountain of xiao long baos along with steamboat at crystal jade =.=

It was fun, and ...er SIAO whenever angel is around.. i dunno i think she pretty much turned me into a laughing idiot when I hang around her =X We were such nutcases till Andy says the alcohol from yesterday must still be running in our body...but yet right now I can't remember what I was laughing about so much right now actually ....=.="

On a more serious note, lately I've been feeling down quite alot. Not sure if it's cuz my holidays are coming to an end soon, and I have to go back to aussie, or is it cuz...of feelings. Alot of words i need to say, alot of emotions and questions waiting to burst out. Its confusing, frustrating and it's driving me crazy. I couldnt find a person, I'm comfortable enough with, around to hear me out at the very least, or even to emo along with.
At least, not anymore now.

Yesh, I know i've not been updating in eons (again).

I've been good, never better, and hopefully I've matured again, even if a little, i sure hope i did.

Just decided to change the layout of my blog to something not so dark. A change of mood brings about a happier blogging experience i hope~, for those who've already given up on reading new stuff on my blog, and suddenly decides to swim over here, dont be TOO surprised okay? haha.

Hmm, done some reflections on the past year, 2010. I should have done so earlier but still, it should'nt be too late now.
Starting off, there were tough times, when I doubt decisions that I made, and times when I couldnt be happier and more satisfied than I could have ever been.
The only thing that really nagged at me was the quiet life I lead. It was seriously waaaaaay too quiet. I know i never did belong to the wild side, but 2010 was really really too toned down. I wished I was doing more interesting and exciting stuff, but apart from skii-ing i really cannot recall what else I did. Now at my last year of my student life, I sure hope 2011 gets more crazy~.
Anyway, looking at the advantages of staying home quietly, I've interacted and got to know more about my housemates, grown closer and felt more like i was part of the member of the 'family' of that house, instead of being a 'being that rented a room from them'.

Now 2011, I've done up a resolution with my friend, kept it in a bottle and decorated it, and will only open it at the end of the year and check what are the resolutions I've accomplished and what i've totally forgotten about. I never believed in new year resolutions, cuz it never worked for me, but this year I was convinced by my friend to make it in the name of 'fun'. besides, i think since it's been years that I've last written a new year resolution, perhaps now i'll have more will-power to make at least one of my resolutions come true^^.

I'm addicted to shopping... not in singapore at least ...
It all started cuz of one shoe..one friggin nice ankle high boots with friggin high heels.
It unleashed the pent-up feeling of my longing to shop cuz that boots was too ex for the budget i set for myself. It's a fking 160AUD...rockets way over the limits of my budget, even the little leeway which i always set for any ex stuff that I happen to fall for.
No i didn't buy it..that's why the feeling i guess..
Viki introduced me to online shopping afterwards...
Luckily.

but its making me lose focus on work..damn..
I shall go watch some animes b4 sleeping.

o wait..
the real culprit that makes me lose focus is
ANIME AFTERALLL ARGGGHHHH
SHOPPING CANT TAKE THE BLAMEA AFTERALLLLL!! NUUUUUUUU
*sorry animes... i love u too much.. i can feel myself transforming into a otaku...goodbye to the past me*

PS**
btw i found my so-called stolen cup.
I just claimed it from behind the curtains at the window in the kitchen.
someone left it there =.="
wouldnt hav found it if no one bothered to pull up the curtains.
........
.....
...
.
better yet...
i just realised i have NEVER been to the kitchen side outside of my house b4.
not even ONCE since i moved in.
lols