Sometimes I admire myself about how I can still remain all calm and collected when crazy hazards run head on towards me. Perhaps I was usually prepared and well equipped with weapons and armors that prevents any heavy damage done to me.
Yes, even when he dropped the bomb about him cheating.
There was no tears, no heart pain nor anger, just questions and more confusing questions.
I felt like a person watching a show...

you're still the best, next to her. He said.

Then why did you confess to her? I said

It was in the moment, I just did. He said

It was impossible from the start, she was going back to her country forever and she said 'no, I dont trust you'. He said

I would'nt trust you too, and what if she said yes? I said

Would you two time me then? I said

or would you leave me for her? I said

Was I the best cuz she couldnt stay? I said

I dont know what he said next. I couldnt hear clearly, my thoughts were deafening, louder than his words.
I cant decide, I feel confused but not angry.
I feel let down but not sad.

Tears were unnecessary.
I'm just glad that theres no one to reads my blog, cuz I dont even blog much anymore.
I dont know what to say if anyone asks me about this. I dont know what expression should I put on.
Should I smile? or cry?
or be angry?
should I say I'm okay? or should I bawl and complain??
If you by any chance read this,
don't mention this or ask me how I am or how I feel.
I dont know.